Goodness I have written and deleted about 17 sentences to begin this post, an ocean of thoughts holding back, waiting to swim into paragraphs.
I wonder if when John Milton (who I admittedly often confuse with Milton Bradley) sat down to write Paradise Lost, he created the perfect ambiance to do so. Certainly, an epic poem so historically known was not composed among a mess of a house or on cheap paper. No, I'm sure he had the finest of quills and the perfect candlelight, especially being that the light bulb had not yet been invented and candlelight was the only light available.
Even so...the point being that tonight I write epically, and in doing so, I have adjusted the atmosphere accordingly. It's tea, piano music, and candles (which, in all honesty are more for effect being that I'm writing on a harshly bright screen) ...and oh, the preparation of articulating twenty two years worth of beauty. That too.
I am tackling the concept of "tell her how much she means to you" with one giant post.
Well, I'm just going to start typing. Because you have to begin somewhere. Writing her a letter 15 months later is interesting. My, how we change over time. And yet really, I'm still the same girl. The one who started dreaming of having a friendship with Mia before she was even brave enough to tweet her by herself. The one who held giant spaces in her heart reserved for many many friends she would meet over twitter, and she didn't even know it. The one who possessed a multitude of strengths that would stretch and grow throughout the year, guiding her through challenges, pulling her toward victories, and always always pushing her towards a greater love.
First, I'll preface this by saying that the writing of letters for my best friends is done freely. I didn't reread or edit Mila's before posting, and this will follow suit. I write. I write and I write and I write, and whatever falls onto this screen gets published. Love and honesty without censoring is how I like their letters to be preserved.
I remember what it feels like to be handed this friendship. Pure joy. Heaven. Given to me. And when I look at this blessed human being that I love so much, I can't believe anything other than that there is something bigger orchestrating all of these beautiful little things. So I must have done something right.
There are scribbles of precious unshared moments from my friendships that are hidden in lost tweets and DMs, and there are parts of these chapters--also precious--that I share. It is a common thread that runs through the tapestry of my friendships--all kinds of people, so many unique and beautiful twitter friends, miles of earth that separate us, cultures and beliefs and families that identify us--but each of my friends has a story of how I feel about them individually.
This is Amelia's.
***
A Little Story to Begin
On December 29th, 2012, I talked to Mia for the first time. I didn't tweet much those last couple of days of that year, but there were a few moments when I did some interesting things, according to my memory. Talked to Mila, was one. And another... I talked to Mia. I can't think of exactly how it started, or exactly what we said, but all I know is, it was the start of something beautiful. Something very beautiful.
There are scribbles of precious unshared moments from my friendships that are hidden in lost tweets and DMs, and there are parts of these chapters--also precious--that I share. It is a common thread that runs through the tapestry of my friendships--all kinds of people, so many unique and beautiful twitter friends, miles of earth that separate us, cultures and beliefs and families that identify us--but each of my friends has a story of how I feel about them individually.
This is Amelia's.
***
A Little Story to Begin
On December 29th, 2012, I talked to Mia for the first time. I didn't tweet much those last couple of days of that year, but there were a few moments when I did some interesting things, according to my memory. Talked to Mila, was one. And another... I talked to Mia. I can't think of exactly how it started, or exactly what we said, but all I know is, it was the start of something beautiful. Something very beautiful.
The beginning story of our friendship is quite similar to the one I wrote last December, on Mila's birthday. Though those two could not be more different, all mutual loveliness and heart filling selves aside.
***
She's quite a character. She's sarcastic and clever and quick-witted and there's not much that can knock her off her feet. But she's also sensitive and caring and sweet and loving. She loves Criminal Minds and scary movies. But she also loves Taylor Swift and chocolate covered pretzels. She stands up for what she believes in and she's smart and confident in herself but she respects other opinions and she doesn't have a mean bone in her body.
She's one of the greatest crescendos God has given me and she's given me unbounded joy simply by being in my life. And about this time almost 15 months ago I was under thin cotton sheets after tweeting to her for the first time, nervous because she intimidated me and had a lot of followers and was funny. I'll say it again. My, how we change over time. Because now I see nothing in her but some ungraspable miracle that I've been graced with beyond my wildest dreams. And I love her more than anything.
She's an art that I'll never grow tired of studying and marveling at and admiring and adoring and "oooh"ing and "ahhh"ing over. Because even though she can be annoying, and rude, and frustrating, and completely unrealistic and stupid, she was one of the greatest, biggest things to ever happen to me and she changed me and she taught me--she's teaching me--a whole hecking lot about life and I couldn't ever type words that are worthy of the love behind her.
***
She's quite a character. She's sarcastic and clever and quick-witted and there's not much that can knock her off her feet. But she's also sensitive and caring and sweet and loving. She loves Criminal Minds and scary movies. But she also loves Taylor Swift and chocolate covered pretzels. She stands up for what she believes in and she's smart and confident in herself but she respects other opinions and she doesn't have a mean bone in her body.
She's one of the greatest crescendos God has given me and she's given me unbounded joy simply by being in my life. And about this time almost 15 months ago I was under thin cotton sheets after tweeting to her for the first time, nervous because she intimidated me and had a lot of followers and was funny. I'll say it again. My, how we change over time. Because now I see nothing in her but some ungraspable miracle that I've been graced with beyond my wildest dreams. And I love her more than anything.
She's an art that I'll never grow tired of studying and marveling at and admiring and adoring and "oooh"ing and "ahhh"ing over. Because even though she can be annoying, and rude, and frustrating, and completely unrealistic and stupid, she was one of the greatest, biggest things to ever happen to me and she changed me and she taught me--she's teaching me--a whole hecking lot about life and I couldn't ever type words that are worthy of the love behind her.
But birthdays for friends like this deserve memorable posts, and to add that to this post I am going to have to, of course, talk to the one I speak of.
I'll almost certainly mess this up, I can guarantee. I'll publish it and release the link and then I'll read it to myself as she reads it, and I'll think of a million other things I should have added, should have done. But right now, I'm typing and I'm the only one in control of what goes on this screen, so I'll definitely make an attempt, I assure you.
So...
***
Dear Mia,
The way you love makes me want to be a better person every day. You remind me of all that is good and possible in this world, and you center me with everything you do.
It's your birthday. Surprise.
Your birthday. The pinnacle of gratitude for every blessed gift your life has given the world. And the moment this over-reflective friend of yours takes every bit of daily reflection...and stirs it into one beautiful mental montage of who you are, what you've taught me, how knowing you has changed me, what I want for you, and what you mean to me.
15 months ago, I thought you had "an intimidating personality".
Because 15 months ago, you had exactly that in my eyes. But little did I know that that would be the least defining phrase following the subject of your name. Today it's all completely different.
Today...
You have...
...this crazy infectious smile that takes but two seconds to extract from even the grumpiest of moods.
You have...
...a determined spirit, and when you're tearing through this life to demonstrate your independence and occasionally leaving the rest of us behind, I can almost imagine you looking back and laughing at the distance between us. So often, you understand and discover things so much sooner than the rest of us, but you so generously share all wisdom and advice with us and you wait patiently for us to catch up. It's quite beautiful.
You have...
...a special way of knowing when anyone needs love, and you never hold back from offering a simple uplifting word or a confidence instilling hour long conversation about life.
You have...
...the most impressive comebacks and jokes. No comedian has anything on your signature "xD"
You have...
...a wonderfully fulfilling aura that brings me joy and makes me smile.
You have...
...favorite twitter accounts and celebrities and places, numerous ways of expressing yourself, notable interests, repeated routines for leaving everyone in side-splitting laughter, a growing repertoire of lovely words, the best laugh, remarkable qualities for facing challenges and an ocean of opportunities awaiting your future.
You are happy, bright, wise, lively, sunny. You inspire me and fortify me and you are a joy and a blessing and all dreams come true when it comes to dreams of amazing friends.
***
You have gone through so much these past few years. And maybe there's a lot more to go through, but with the amount of strength and positivity you possess, I just know you will conquer anything and everything in your path. You are so strong, and once upon a time, you gave me your strength to borrow when it seemed I had none of my own. I've told you I would one day tell you that story, and I think now seems appropriate.
It was, of course, the time Mila's ask.fm was blown up with negative criticism for me. I remember sitting on my bed the first time it really got serious and my heart was shredded with confusion and pain. Nervous, afraid and alone. And no matter what everyone else told me about how it would get better, I just had to figure it out on my own. And you helped me with that so much. When something like that happened and everything I thought I knew about mine and Mila's friendship was suddenly ripped away, the most solid, truthful, comforting thing in that world was our friendship.
And though you told me about how it would get better and how one day I wouldn't care and how you promise, promise, promised I'd own those critics someday, I think what meant most to me in those weeks was simply consistent love. The time you gave me, the words, the "have a great day"s, the feeling of you always being there.
And somewhere during all of that, I just leaned in. Not because you told me to, not because I was pushed, but because you gave me constant support and love and those things you did, like sticking up for me and asking me how my day was and joking with me? You did those things, and in doing so you reminded me that Joy. Is. A. Choice. Loving by example is so much more important than loving with the right things to say.
You've gone through differently painful things. And you? Well, you'll be okay because you're smart and strong and resilient and naturally equipped with so much to handle life. You demonstrate that to me every day.
***
Your attentiveness and love is, no doubt, obvious to so many, and I see people tell you "you're perfect" or "you're funny" almost every day. I love that, and yet I've been very careful lately to recognize the other qualities that make you who you are as well--your creativity and ingenuity, your free spirit, your imagination and your constant awareness of others' needs. Your personality is complex, and it's important for me to continually embrace the many things that make you unique, because there's so much that I love.
Like your accent that Savanna and I mock when we skype.
Like the way you only send us pictures of you doing beautifully ridiculous faces.
I'm thankful that you can walk and run. Not everyone can walk and run, and we're all blessed that you have strong, capable legs that withstood more than they should have had to.
Your confidence and security in yourself that inspires me and teaches me a lot simply by existing.
Your determination and strength and endurance.
The absolutely bewitching fascination of the way you love your friends. The love you give, the language we speak, the way we smile at each other and joke on skype and it feels so very meant to be.
***
Mia, I hope you know in no uncertain terms how much I love you. Your fifteen little months in my life have reaped invaluable happiness to me. And I can say that... in all the weeks I spent wishing I could be friends with the person who was my sister's friend... in all the weeks I spent thinking about how cool it would be just to talk to you... I never imagined it would amount to this. This beyond magical, beyond authentic, beyond immeasurable friendship that means everything in the world to me. These are the kinds of things I never tell you often enough. You're one of my biggest blessings, and knowing you is beautiful.
And I know I say "beautiful" all the time, but it is. You are.
Everything about you is completely beautiful.
It's difficult to put into words now. You know that, almost 15 months actually separates me from the beautiful day you entered my life. And 22 years actually separates the world from the day you entered it and were destined to do great things. You'll do great things. You're doing great things, just by being you.
And all that you've become in 22 years.
I want to live up to everything I hope you to be.
I hope you know how animated and lovely you are; how valuable your abilities, your love, your mere existence is; how full my life has been with you in it.
Dude, these past fifteen months have been grand. And I love you.
Happy birthday. Happy birthday. I love you.
- Naomi
***
I don't know what else to say. It's just untouchable, holy ground that words could not, in any way, ever do justice.
And it's a choppy ending. But it hasn't ended... it keeps going. For 15 months I've felt that feeling. Maybe not as new or raw, but some days I'm just like... holy crap. She's my best friend. I didn't even know she existed a few years ago, but there she is right there. And I love her so much.
Thankful for life and everything hers means to me.
Thankful for this year, this girl, and this weekend of celebrating her.
I love you Mia.
No comments:
Post a Comment