Observance and Writing

I am undoubtedly a people person. I come alive in airports, on dance floors, crushed between bodies at concerts. I call people in the car on a four-minute drive so I can talk my way from my house to the nearest store, and I hug instead of shake hands. It’s not that I don’t like to be alone—I dream of island hammocks and quiet mountain hikes. It’s that I’ve forgotten how to really be alone. I’ve fallen victim to bad habits that have trained me to think I need to be stimulated—my family, my friends, my tablet, my house, my twitter. I need to be doing something because there’s always something to be done. And when I’m alone, I twitch. My solitude muscles have atrophied.

I don't like that so I kind of want to make an attepmt to be alone next week. I digress.

I wasn't a very observant person before last year. I thought about what my hair looked like, if my skin was broken out or not (I don't even know why because my skin doesn't do that) and what people were thinking about me. And that last one? One of the most powerful realizations one can come to in life is accepting that people are not thinking about you. They're thinking about themselves. That sounds harsh, but it's true. If you only realized how much people don't recognize your hair or your skin or your jean size because they're worried about their own hair, skin and jean size--well, it takes a lot of pressure off. Thank God.

I've always thought about people in an "Are they hurting?" kind of way because I believe that's a special gift I was given. My parents say when I was very young, on more than one occasion, I asked to leave my family's table at a restaurant to sit with an elderly who ate alone because it made me sad. My presence could have very well annoyed these poor grandmas who, for the love of God, just wanted a chance to be alone, but that gift of knowing when to butt out of people's lives and let them be hadn't yet been bestowed. I'm still waiting for that one.

So I thought a lot about myself. And I thought about people who were hurting--at least the ones in my direct line of vision. But that was about it. The rest of the world, the lessons hidden in my environment, the way light hits the trees late in the afternoon or how, if you look closely, snowflakes aren't just flakes but intricate symmetrical crystals--I didn't take the time to really notice.
It used to drive my mom crazy. She drove me home from school, and she'd point out everything on our drives--flowers, houses with cool front doors, new coffee shops with eye-catching signs.

"Did you see those hostas back there? They were huge!," she'd exclaim. And I'd answer "What hostas?" because I was too busy thinking about how the car window was reflecting my bangs back to me and I could see that they were crooked.

She'd scold me. "You don't notice things." And I'd argue "Yes I do," quickly covering my lack of observance with the first hint of beauty I saw out the car window. "Those tulips--yes, I saw them." She'd laugh and remind me of just how oblivious I was to my environment, digging up the Proof of All Proof stories--that one time when I was biking out of my friends' driveway, unaware of the three bags of garbage directly in front of me. As the story goes, my friends jumped up and down, waving and shouting, alerting me of the garbage, but the freeway on the other side of the wall was so loud and I was already far away so I didn't hear them. So I waved back thinking it was just an enthusiastic goodbye. And I kept biking and waving, ripping garbage bags to shreds and dragging pop cans and milk jugs and moldy paper towels down the dirt road. I didn't even notice until the bike nearly fell over. Still waving. Still smiling. Because those sweet friends were giving me the enthusiastic goodbye of a lifetime. So, I guess I couldn't argue with that story. Yes, I was oblivious to a lot of things.

A lot happened in the year that followed. I created a twitter which was huge -- you guys pointed things out and taught me how to think for myself. I suddenly noticed everything, from controversial and sensitive topics, to how awesome my pets are. I like that Joel's toes look like beans. I want to write sonnets about Abby's eyelashes.


I think, for me though, observance of the world around me truly took a new meaning when I started writing and taking pictures.
When it comes to complicated technical camera knowledge, I feel small compared to many of the great minds in the photography world who study and teach these things every day. I am confident behind my own camera though, and I have learned a lot from others--things I'm willing to share. The more I think about it though, I realize I can share the story of why I take pictures--how photography changed me in a lot of ways and makes me more aware of everything the world has to offer. It plays an important role in my life, and my journey behind the camera mirrors my personal journey closely, especially the last few years. I am excited to share this journey, and the scattered notes and favorite photos (okay, embarrassing over-edited ones too) that are piling up as I prepare can attest to my excitement.

Similarly, writing has made me more aware of everything--not only the world around me, but my own feelings and judgments and opportunities for improvement as well. Writing almost every day naturally stimulates these "What am I going to write about?" receptors. And while I cannot go about life searching for things to write about--life needs to happen first--I do find that since writing, I think a little more deeply. I let myself become more vulnerable, I push myself to discover more, to read more, to fill up the wells within so that I have something to write about (which translates to "something to think about," "something to live by," "something to make me change" or fill-in-the-blank as you wish). It's a complicated, wonderful cycle of input and output, and these two principles depend upon each other.


So this afternoon as I went through my weekend photos and sat down to write, I couldn't help but notice how much easier it gets to put something on paper because I am learning to observe, to listen, and to be aware. Yes, there will always be writer's block and periods of quiet inspiration. But I wait--because there is always something to write about. There are always moments to capture. The things we choose are just a fraction of the things that await our attention.

****

It's Tuesday. We're off to a good start.



Little Lights Shine

If half-consciously typing out "Kingdom Lights Shine"in the "name this blog" window a year and a half ago marks the wedding anniversary for me and Lights Shine (he's a handsome one I tell ya) then consider this past year and a half our marriage. And just like my mom and stepdad are not frolicking in a field of daisies talking about their love every moment of every day, Lights Shine and I don't constantly make out. Our relationship evolves just as any other relationship does--through good and bad. The bottom line is, I know I love shining lights and seeing others' lights shine--when we're together and jiving like we should, I'm my very best self. But a year and a half together also means we get in ruts and take each other for granted sometimes. And I'll be the first to tell you that while I wholeheartedly believe in sucking the marrow out of life and noticing beautiful things around me, it's easy to get swept up in Life. When I started this blog, it was easy--it rained lights every day. I was in the honeymoon phase of both teen-ages and my carefree summer days, and it was completely natural to be all, "Look at that sky! Look at this flower! Look at that piece of fuzz--isn't life beautiful?" Life is a bit more complicated now. With new scars, new experiences, more goals, more worries, new relationships and a few layers of naivety peeled off the 12-year-old girl who started this blog, "kingdom lights shine" evolves too. As does "theairwascold". And I'm glad it does. I always think it's funny when people say "your twitter has changed" as if that's a bad thing. I have a lot of goals in life, but I'm pretty damn sure "staying the same girl and never changing" isn't one of them.

I started a redesign project of this blog eight months ago. I checked out twitter accounts and blogs for inspiration, figured out some ideas and then told myself I'd get everything together that I needed and do it. And then I didn't. Because I've been paralyzed in thinking about what I want this space to be. As if I have to have everything figured out perfectly before I can start--as if it can never change after I hit publish.

One of my favorite moments in the movie Bridesmaids is this lady fight that breaks out between Helen and Annie, concealed behind fake smiles and forced politeness. Arguing over whether their friend Lillian has grown to like sports since childhood or not, they launch into a hilarious dispute of who knows her better.

Do people really change?
I think they do.
Yeah, but I mean like, still stay who they are pretty much.
I think we change all the time.
I think we stay the same, but grow, I guess, a little bit.
I think if you're growing, then you're changing.

And this escalates until they're ready to take it to fisticuffs.

But they're BOTH true.

Every experience you've ever been through, every person you've ever loved, every lesson you've ever learned, every trend you ever adopted, every book you've ever read, every life mantra you've ever quoted--it's all part of you. I don't look at change as swapping out but rather adding to--we are everything we've always been but more with each experience.

I'm rewriting the "About This Blog" tab today to begin shifting things over to a new site, and I'm excited about going into this with no expectation of perfection and with the opportunity to evolve with time. It's sort of a vow renewal for me and Lights Shine, and it comes at a perfect time. This past week, we recommitted to each other. More connection, more reading, more music, more quiet mornings, more holding hands, more beach, more reaching toward the things that make me better and distancing myself from the things that don't.

I think we change all the time.
I think we stay the same, but grow, I guess, a little bit.To everything we've always been...and more.

Beach

I get skittish when I'm uninspired, especially when a task at hand requires inspiration. I want to feel bolts of lightning, swells of creativity, flashes of passion that fuel me to make, bake, write, capture, click, run, sing, fly. But, as Brenda Ueland says, "inspiration does not come like a bolt...it comes into us slowly and quietly and all the time, though we must regularly and every day give a little chance to start flowing...prime it with a little solitude and idleness."

But sometimes, I still want the bolt.
I had a couple things I needed to finish last weekend, and I just wasn't feeling it. No bolt, no swell, no flash. So my mom, in a moment of brilliance and glory, says "Why don't you take your tablet out into the yard?"—which might elicit knee-slapping guffaws from anyone else but I'm all, "Yes. Out into the trees and dirt and grass to come alive." Cool right?

So I go, hauling a broken beach chair, my tablet, a pair of headphones and a can of sprite through the entrance into our yard, past the prickly tree, and just a few more steps until I've found the perfect area. A blanket of dried pine needles beneath me, a canopy of blue sky above me. And I'm sitting there in my pajamas and my rain boots, facing the deep part of the yard and trees so my back is to the houses—except our trees aren't really thick and enchanted but more sparse and open—so it dawns on me that neighbors can see me. And this is funny. A girl in pajamas and rain boots, drinking a sprite, sitting in a broken chair in the middle of a bunch of trees...with a tablet. Yes, funny. But I get over it, slipping my headphones on, humming to Demi Lovato, furiously typing while occasionally, a random squirrel flying this close to my head stops my heart. Suddenly, I am inspired. I am motivated. I am electrified by the bolt. This working in the yard thing is so happening again.

So we went to the beach a few weeks ago and I really wanted to blog about it.

I wish I could really describe what it's like. When we're there and all the planets are aligned and things are just as they should be...and there are constant moments of thinking, This here? This is beautiful. I know I say 'beautiful' all the time on this blog, but it is and, for all the posts I've dedicated to the beach, today's is perhaps the summit while all the others were just stops on the climb. Because a few weeks ago, when I was there, I saw the entire landscape--things I've never seen before--and there, on the beach with my family and my puppy, I staked my claim and raised my flag. This is our beach where all the good in our life is turned up a few notches and all we have to do is enjoy it.

And when the sun sinks low, we kiss the day goodbye. That day, we first danced in the sunset to beach tunes and then we huddled around to play the "If Game." If you could meet one person, dead or alive, who would it be? If you could vacation anywhere in the world for seven days right now, where would it be? If you could... And the questions continued as we laughed and teased about answers.

"Maybe we should develop a Crayola bomb as our next secret weapon. A happiness weapon. A beauty bomb. And every time a crisis developed, we would launch one. It would explode high in the air - explode softly - and send thousands, millions, of little parachutes into the air. Floating down to earth - boxes of Crayolas. And we wouldn't go cheap, either - not little boxes of eight. Boxes of sixty-four, with the sharpener built right in. With silver and gold and copper, magenta and peach and lime, amber and umber and all the rest. And people would smile and get a little funny look on their faces and cover the world with imagination." ~Robert Fulghum

Happy

Dear Liz, Clara, Thea, Mikayla, Grace, Amber, Brooke, Serena, Meenal, Sofi, Pauline, Omar, Montana, Claire, Chesca, Carina, Sofia, Olivia, Michelle, Eve, Daena, Katy, Hudson, Selina, Russell, Josie, Sofia, Taylor, Chris, Mary Paige, Sophie, Becca, Saanya, Dani, Keryna, Rafa, Beth, Georgia, Mila, Joyce, Mia, Laura, Ria and Ari,

Hello everyone! So the last time I did an all-call to the mutuals post, it was because everyone seemed so sad or lost or generally unhappy. So I wrote "Be Beautiful" for you guys and a lot of you said it helped you and that it came at the right time. The same thing has been happening this week and I really wanted to do this for you guys again. 

People often ask me how I'm always so happy and positive, and while that isn't always the case, I do try to be as full of life and grateful as possible.

Number one: if you want to be happy, you have to be happy on purpose. Abraham Lincoln said "most people are as happy as they've decided to be."

Number two: keep your life in the right perspective. Most of us have something to be happy about right now: our health, our friends, our family, or an opportunity. 

I've found we create much of our own unhappiness. We always see what's wrong rather than what's right. And I understand that sometimes it can be so, so hard to see the good in a situation. I understand because I've been there, and it's not fun. 

But here's what you need to do. Wake up in the morning and go through the day singing and enjoying life, regardless of the circumstances. That's how to start off each day. Put a smile on your face, even if it's fake. Fake it until it's real. Smiling tricks the body into feeling good. Go out into the day and be determined to enjoy it.

If it's a problem you have within yourself, look into the mirror and say "Listen here, self. Cheer up. Put on a new attitude. We're not staying down. We're not staying defeated." 

When dark clouds are over your head and you feel like life is depressing, always remember that right above those dark clouds the sun is shining. You may not be able to see the sun in your life right now, but that doesn't mean it's not up there. The dark clouds will not stay forever. The sun will shine in your life once again.

If it's a problem with other people, I have more to tell you about that because that's the pain I know. I've learned a few things about that.

What a person says about you does not define who you are. His or her opinion of you does not determine your self-worth. This person has every right to have an opinion, and you have every right to ignore it. I've found that some people feel it is their calling in life to point out what others are doing wrong and where others are missing it. They're constantly critical, always finding fault. Rise above that. You do not need them to agree with you. You do not need to win their approval. Let that go, and just be who you were made to be.

You don't have to respond to every critic. You don't have to prove yourself to them. Some who will cross your path simply don't want peace with you. No matter what you say or do, they will not be won over. Even if you were to change, they would still find some reason to be critical. You have to accept the fact that no matter what you do, some people will never be at peace with you.

When you have your strength under control, you realize "I'm bigger than this. I will not let them pull me down. I have places to go, goals to accomplish, dreams to realize."

Now how do I move forward without seeming jolting?

For me, a big part of being happy is about being grateful.

If you struggle with staying encouraged and staying grateful, make a list of everything you've been blessed with. If you have your health, write it down as an asset. If your vision is good, write that down too. The same with your school, your friends, your family. Make that list and then go over it throughout the day. One of my New Year resolutions is to write down at least one thing that made me happy that day.

You have to realize that every day is a gift. What a shame to live this day or any other day defeated, depressed, negative, complaining, with no enthusiasm. We all have obstacles. We all have things to overcome, but our attitude should be: "I'm not living this day sad or negatively or focused on what I don't have. I'm changing my perspective. Thank God I'm alive. Thank God I'm breathing. Thank God I'm healthy. Thank God for my family. I'm living every day to the fullest."

***

Remember to always be joyful and glad-hearted in rough times, because when you lose your joy, you lose your strength. You need your strength more than ever in these times, and your strength is dependent on your joy.

You can keep your joy by knowing that on the other side of every test is promotion. On the other side of every setback is opportunity. On the other side of every offense is growth. The difficulties you face are not there to defeat you. They are there to increase you. Just remember "Even though this is hard, even though I don't understand it, even though it's not fair, I'll keep a good attitude and stay full of joy, knowing that this is not setting me back. It is setting me up to get to the other side of this in an even better position."

We can all celebrate and be grateful when we're on the mountaintop, but where are the people who keep their happiness even as the bottom falls out? Where are all the people who wake up in the morning prepared for victory despite all the news reports predicting doom and gloom? I believe you are one of those people. I believe in you with great faith. Your roots go down deep. You're doing the right thing even though the wrong thing is happening.

You have to come to a place where you can say "I don't have to have my way to have a good day. My plans don't have to work out for me to be happy. Everybody doesn't have to treat me right for my life to be enjoyable. I have already made up my mind: No matter what does or doesn't happen, I will stay in peace and enjoy this day."

When a bus hits you and you're lying in the street, it might take you a little while before you can stand up again.
And sometimes, when you go to stand up, your legs won't come with you...because, well because they got hit by a bus.
So, you lie back down and absorb the feeling of that pavement and feel the pain a bit longer. But then you try again. Eventually, the feeling returns to your legs...even if it's temporary.

The thing is, I hate being sad. I hate being negative. And while I may be teased on my over-positivity, I too wallow in a bad mood from time to time. However, I've found I am quite healed by the Fake It Till You Make It Strategy--searching for the good (and there's lots to find), writing about the good, taking pictures of the good, talking about the good--basically bathing in the many little things that bring joy to our life until I am no longer faking it, I believe it completely and have allowed the good to rise above the bad in that ever present glass of "Half Full." Unrealistic? Perhaps, but I don't think so. Regardless, I'd much rather live life as an unrealistic optimist than a realistic miserable pessimist. It's so much more fun.

Thinking of any of you struggling or failing or being sad breaks my heart into a million pieces, so please, please try to use this post.

I love you all so much. I love you just the way you are. You can be annoying, awkward, difficult, loud, messy, stubborn, insensible, and good god you've been known to say strange things. But you make my life so much better. Thank you for making everything in this world more beautiful just by being you. You guys bring light to every little thing in my life. Because of you, I have a new found belief of goodness in the human race. I like to play the cool and confident role from time to time, but let's face it...no one is too cool or confident to not be affected in this extremely motivating and beautiful-self-worth way by the incredible things you have given to me in your words. And they are so incredibly touching. There's just so many good people who really do care about others who are hurting. You are honestly one of the main sources of my happiness. Thank you just for being you. I love you I love you I love you.

Love,

Naomi

It's Christmas

It's still Christmas, we are saying--because I need to say that to stave off the blasted decrescendo of post-Christmas let-down.

When I was just beginning to fall in love with writing...back in the day when I ratted my bangs one, two, three times with my turquoise comb and spraaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyed every last dead end of 'em, slowly and evenly, with the tall, cold can of hair spray...back in the day when I'd click back and forth between red ink and blue ink on my four color pen...back in the day when my third grade teacher, Mrs. Clark, told us the world was our oyster and we were its pearl...I met my friends, the Adjectives, and fell hard and heavy for them. They had me at beautiful. They slayed me with delicious. They charmed me with alluring and exquisite and pulchritudinous (yeah, you heard me...pulchritudinous...look it up).

Over-adjective-izing will forever be my problem. Because I like beautiful and amazing and pulchritudinous, and when I'm feeling it? I want to shout them all...to echo from the mountaintop "I'm blithe." "I'm elated!" I'm intoxicated with exhultant joy and, oh for God's sake, I'm so over the top, I'm begging for someone to slap me in the face.

But, I'm going to try and go easy tonight. Because, really, I loved this week. I loved it. It was one of those nothing-special but because of that, so-very special Christmases, all in one. And yes, that sounds very unicorn-and-rainbowish, but I'm a little unicorn-and-rainbowish, so I guess that's okay. And just to confirm that thought, I got up to get a drink a minute ago, mid-post, and my head hit a set of windchimes hung from the door...and it made this little harmonious plllltttiinnnggg sound which kind of sounded like unicorns and rainbows, and well...there you have it. Okay, so now I'm laughing.

It was a beautiful time, you know. A happy one. Not so happy that it was out of touch. No, it was grounded with just a little bit of well, that's life. Because I felt a little sad yesterday, for no particular reason I could come up with. It did kind of have something to do with feeling inadequate and a very small amount of insecurity, when I returned to the past and anonymous critics. But that doesn't distinguish me from any other teenage girl on the planet right now. Happy? Yes. Celebrating all that 2013 has given me, from the people to the places to the experiences? Yes. But due for some closure where I can go to that place again some time with no purpose but for to say "Hey, I'm back" to those thoughts and feelings and make a moment of that something sacred happened there, and then finally, try to let it go...yes. But, that's life.

And with life comes breathing and feeling moments.

My favorite part of Christmas? When the morning spills over into complete calm. Everyone finds a different corner of the house, we test out new gifts, adults rest on couches, the mess on the living room floor dissolves into the setting and everything is quiet and happy and good. I collapsed on the couch late morning, not intending to sleep, but I fell into one of those half awake naps where my eyes were closed and my brain was off duty but I was very aware that I was smiling and listening to the chatter and Christmas songs and everything was as it should be.

For some reason, I was positive that some part of Christmas happiness and cheer and whatnot would make me cry, but alas (term coined from Claire. Thank you, Claire) it did not happen. We didn't even notice when night came. We were busy, happy, making cookies.

And my favorite part of Christmas came next. Mia and Rafa, my little Christmas angels whose presense makes me feel like I could do anything. They wrote me letters and made me feel so wonderful and happy.

And that one? Well, that one made me cry.

We're still in vacation mode. And feeling so thankful for family and home.

To scrapbooks being filled with much love.  Chin-Chin.

Thank You

Can I talk about Twitter? I want to talk about Twitter.

There is an ancient Native American story about an old Cherokee who told his grandson about the battle that goes on within us. "My son," he told him, "Inside every one of us dwells two wolves, one evil, one good. The evil one is angry and jealous, full of regret and arrogance, greed and sorrow, guilt and self-pity. The other is good. He is kind and loving, full of hope and peace, joy and compassion."

The young boy thought about it for a moment. "Which wolf wins?" he asked his grandfather.

The old Cherokee smiled and simply replied, "...the one you feed."

About a year ago, I sat down and decided I wanted a swiftie account, so I changed my account to accomodate that want. It wasn't a very planned decision much like my other spontaneous whims. In fact, I hadn't even really thought through what I'd title it, but when the server asked for a username, my first attempt at pecking out "likeanarmyguy" pulled up an available name, so I took it. Red was about two months old and my heart was swelling uncontainably with this grand appreciation for Taylor Swift and life and moments, and I needed to let the air out somewhere. That and the fact that it was mid-December, I was pretty high on Christmas, and tweeting about my enthusiasm to a fanbase known for its Christmas loving idol was a better choice than duct-taping the Christmas Fig candle to my face for a continuous sniff-fest. So, likeanarmyguy became this place. This place that has grown and stretched and changed its name and challenged both my creative being and my philosophical one.

I've been asked the standard Why do you have a twitter? question a handful of times now, and while my answer used to include all sorts of long-winded responses, it has now come down to a simple answer: I tweet because I enjoy it. I also enjoy clicking "Buy It Now" for a great pair of shoes on Ebay, but tweeting, unlike Buy It Now, gives back. It feeds my good wolf. And after a year, he's a big boy, that wolf. Strong and ferocious, confident and kicking.

We all have our different methods of feeding the good wolf. And when we find our wolf growing with any particular method, we make time amid our busy schedule to continue to feed it. Maybe you're motivated by running or grounded by baking. Perhaps you are inspired by painting or refueled by lunching with friends. Whatever the case, feeding the good wolf is essential for our ever hopeful quest for life fulfilled.

And then there's this bonus that comes with twitter. And here's where you come in. For all the skeptics out there who say the Internet has replaced the beauty of simpler times and is slowly ruining our ability for real social interaction, I beg to differ. Because without the Internet I wouldn't have all of these beautiful, amazing friends who enlighten me and share my passions and are so beautiful and who teach me to be a better person.

In particular, they are these people. (and this is not a particular order, so just search for yours. I'm going straight down my following list)

mochaswift

Grace. I love you, darling. You are funny and spirited, caring and loving and zesty and wonderful. Please never lose that, because it will take you so far in life. Thank you for teaching me to shine and be myself.

distancetimings

Brooke. We don't talk as often as I'd like, and I wish we would. To me you are defined by funny tweets, good twitter packs, and a beautiful heart. I wish we had a closer friendship. I love you so. Thank you for teaching me about being such a kind and lovely person.

classicswift

Serena. I have been so blessed to be able to talk to you these last few months, and you are so heavenly. I absolutely love you. Thank you for teaching me about all of the good and beauty people like you possess.

suckerforswift

Andie. I love your light -- it's one of my favorites. Your determination and knowledge is so admirable, and I love you for all of your little cute, funny tweets. Thank you for teaching me about your lovely light and for helping me to mold my own into something like yours.

inhalingswift

Sofi. Hey beautiful girl, I think you're fabulous. You are so wise and I think you're pretty great. That is all for now. Thank you for teaching me about being strong and insightful, just like you are.

exhaustedstyles

Pauline. You are an angel from above. I love that you live in California and that you always like my instagram pictures and that you are just you. I love that you. Thank you for teaching me to be more confident and fearless.

yearwithoutrain

Omar. You are filled with imagination and love and humor. You make me laugh daily and I am so thankful to have someone like you in my life. Thank you for teaching me about... well, imagination and love and humor. You are insanely perfect to me.

endearingtaylor

Montana. Oh, you are so lovely, and seeing you in pain kills me. I hope your beautiful, funny personality never ever gets crushed again. You are so flawless, just as you are. Thank you for teaching me that it's okay to not be okay.

hurricaneswift

Claire. I don't know where to begin with you. Our friendship is enriching and heart filling. You are uniquely wonderful, beautiful, talented and capable. Thank you for teaching so very much about life, that it would take me an entire post of its own to list everything I adore about you. I love you so.

nightsgotcold

Chesca. Oh my goodness. I can't begin to tell you how much I love you. I can't begin to tell you how wonderful you are, how spirited and lovely your very existence is. Thank you for teaching me about shining my light and being as beautiful as you are. (oh yes, and thanks for teaching me how to make a wrapping paper bow)

ughswifts

Carina. I love your imagination, your problem solving skills, your creativity. I love your funny and sarcastic comebacks to anything we jokingly insult you with. But mostly, I just love you. Thank you for teaching me about laughter and life.

hemmingswifts

Jess. Your heart is so sweet and tender towards others and I want to be as beautiful as you are. Be different, be unique and be proud of who you are, because you are such a heavenly person. Thank you for teaching me about all the magic you hold.

swiftwithsirens

Hudson. Have I told you lately how great you are? You are funny, caring, full of spirit and so all around admirable. I love you a lot. Thank you for teaching me about the way simple words can have a huge effect on someone, like, say, making them smile when all they want to do is cry. You've done that for me, so, thank you friend.

poeticswift

Selina. You are wonderful, you are perfect, and you are exactly who God made you to be. Never doubt that. I love you so, so, soo so very much. Thank you for teaching me about smiling daily -- because you make me smile daily.

CARASWIFTS

Russell, you send the best tweets. Seriously. You know exactly what to do and say to make people happy and you are so adorable I just want to hug you. Thank you for teaching me that your world, and my world and this world, should be a kingdom where happiness never dies.

oxfordswift

Sofia. You are smart, beautiful, capable and colorful. My world is constantly made better by you, and I love you very much. Remember that. Thank you for teaching me about kindness and beauty and love.

coloursinautumn

Taylor. Oh, I love you so much. Your presense in my life is so empowering, so inspiring, and so enriching. You are so beautiful, and I'm just waiting for you to realize that. Please always have confidence in this world that trys to steal it at every turn. Thank you for teaching me that beauty is not something that can be defined -- it's something that's inside of us. And baby, you are filled with it.

GenerousSwift

Chris. I don't think you'll ever understand how much you mean to me, and I miss talking to you. You are funny, amazing, and so deserving of happiness. I love you. Thank you for teaching me that not all guys are rude and disrespectful, some are actually really sweet and great like you.

soundofineedyou

Mary Paige. I love your compassion, your empathy, your generosity, and the way you love -- they are all traits that are so completely beautiful on you. I just love you so much. Thank you for teaching me about one of the ways beauty can be defined: in the form of a red-headed, horse riding, Swift loving, heaven of a girl from Nebraska.

itsruhbecca

Becca. I could never, ever be able to describe to you all that you mean to me. Not if the entire thing was its very own language. I love you so, so much you perfect work of art. Thank you for teaching me about all the good and love in this world.

wonderfultay

Dani. I love you so very much. You glitter my world with life and full on beauty. You are kind and real and you make me smile. I want you to realize your potential, your beauty, your worth. Thank you for teaching me about being confident and shining my light just as beautifully as you shine yours.

DIVERGENTSWIFT

Keryna. Darling, you are so beautiful, it is wonderous to watch. I'm taking this oppurtunity to cheer you on for everything you are -- just as I will always cheer you on. I love you. Thank you for teaching me about self worth, and self confidence.

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Rafa. Oh, I've been waiting to get to your name. Any attempt at threading words to just how wonderful, how healing your existence is... it seems so small. But I love you. And have I told you today how happy your smile makes me? Thank you for teaching me to breathe and let go when people are cruel or nasty. That was such an important lesson. I love you I love you I love you.

thearmourfalls

Mia. You are the most confident, kind, caring person I know. You are a free thinker and have stood your ground through the toughest of times this year. I always tell you how much I love that about you. Thank you for teaching me about self-worth and self-confidence and self-reliance. I love you.

hisgoodbyenote

Mila. Thank you for being a friend in the most loving way possible. Thank you for your outlook on life. Thank you for making sure your friends feel well loved. Thank you for being so beautiful. Thank you for teaching me more about life than you'll ever know.

Christmas, Intensified

In acknowledgment of the fact that I "forgot" to blog for the 11 days before my last post, I'm going to try to cram an entire 11 days worth of Christmas cheer into one post.

Christmas is in six days. And, to clarify, for Christmas (some of it at least, because I have to go on Twitter. That's a given) we are expoloring the art of nothing. As in every time my tablet beeps, I click it off and ignore it. And, as much as this has always been my place to "feed the good wolf" and get away, the computer's not the place I want to be right now. There's Candyland and cookie dough and another Lifetime movie about a single mother who falls in love with a smoldering mountain man on Christmas Eve and lives happily ever after.

For the first time ever, we are "just us" on Christmas day. No grandmas or grandpas or other speck of extended gene pool. Just us, and we're rockin' it. (although, for the record Claire, if you happen to walk through our door on Christmas Eve to surprise us, I'd die a million deaths and be forever grateful...just sayin'.)

There's a lot I want to say. There's a whole lot of high-on-Christmas stuff flyin' around my brain these days, and I could gush disgustingly right now on just how much I love these days. But, you get it, right?

I've had this problem my whole life of visualizing what I want Christmas to look like. And it's always picturesque in this storybook kind of way almost to the point of ridiculousness. Like the burly father comes in from blustery winds bearing a heap of firewood, and children dressed in Christmas finest are huddled around a piano singing Silent Night in perfect harmony. Cue Mother busting through the kitchen door with rosy cheeks, a plastered smile and a golden turkey garnished with baked apples. And everyone lives happily ever after.

Okay, maybe we're not living in the late 1800's and maybe Laura Ingalls Wilder doesn't write my visions. But I have learned that real life is different from dream life, and I've managed to merge the two over the last three years. The moral of the story is this...If you want it, work hard to create it, but leave cushion for the unexpected and embrace everything outside of that "perfect" vision as good and meaningful parts of your story you would have never had the opportunity to know had you stuck to the script. Ad lib, go with it, swim with the current. In the end, what you will have created, albeit a Christmas memory or life's final script...it will be good.

We made Christmas cookies last night. Or let me clarify. We set out to make Christmas cookies, but one batch in, we fell victim to the charm of a movie and a fire and, forty minutes and a smoky kitchen later, we canned the cookie thing altogether.

But, you know, whatever.

And not to bring this to a choppy ending or anything, but I'm typing from my tablet and it's extremely annoying to do so. Point being, I'm going to Twitter. But you might want to visit this little space again tomorrow... I have a post lined up. A post that has been in the works for over 4 months. And it's really important to me because it's in the honor and dedication of a person who's really important to me. Guys... tomorrow is Mila's birthday. Enough said.