where i am

I don't know where to begin with the whole thankful thing or how to possibly put into words the way this holiday that comes tomorrow leaves me.

deeply grateful.
Last summer, I taped off a little section of my whiteboard, wrote "Today I'm happy for:" in it, and every day I changed, in bright colored markers, the little things I was happy for. smiles from a stranger. free perfume samples. conversations with my twitter friends. It became a game...to see what I was going to write that day, and my family used to tease me: "Seriously Naomi, you're thankful for COLORED PENCILS?" That aside, my insatiable desire to express my love for every bit of life soon wore off and it wasn't long before I forgot to do it. And then, not soon after that, my cat jumped on my whiteboard and it broke, and I completely forgot about writing down my happies.

It's so easy to forget the little things that make life so much better. And even if it's corny, we should always take the time to recongnize small things that make us smile. Things like poptarts, stickers and pizza.

I've started two things recently that I'm excited to share with you all really soon. Like, maybe the words "Happy Box" and "Happy Book" will be thrown around. Enough said.

Anyways, after I started my "Today I'm happy for:" board, my family would give out suggestions as to what I could write.

"Write the names of some of your twitter friends instead of just saying 'twitter friends'." - Savanna

"Scarves and bracelets." - Mom

"Music." - brother

"Meow." - Joel (really, one day I was thinking about what to write and he jumped on to my bed and meowed at me. So, I wrote Joel's meows and his capability to express himself.)

gratitude is contagious.

...and, stopping to really think about what we're thankful for from poptarts to the grander glorious blessings of family and friends happens to be very enjoyable...and therapeutic, might I add.

and speaking of grand and glorious, tomorrow will be just that. I'm so happy for this holiday -- the day that we look at everything and realize just how blessed we really are, even if it sometimes doesn't seem that way.

while tempted to start plunking away a rote list of what i'm thankful for tonight, it seems a bit prosaic for this place i'm at tonight. and it's exactly that--not just a state of mind or an emotion that bears this unworthy cliche' title like 'gratitude' or 'thankful.' no, it seems an actual place. its own little latitude where i have settled and claimed residence and walked its paths and met its people. and it is a good place. a real place with, yes, some dark corners and fixer-upper fields. but, overall there is just so much beauty here...and the more i stay, the more i see.

the place of gratitude...of knowing where we've been and where we're going and in between all that, recognizing that where we are is important.

breathing it all in tonight.
where i am.

so, with all that wonder aside...

i am thankful.

for days like today and the ability to notice their beauty.

for feeling like i'm right where i'm supposed to be every day.

for a family who appreciates the little things as much as i do.

for being loved by so many.

for creative expression.

for bodies that do what we want them to...without limitations.

and i'm thankful for my friends. Both off and on the screen.

the embodiment of so much beauty and love and goodness in my life...and the fullness you all bring to my heart. i get to know you. i get to be with you, or talk to you every single day. i get to be your friend. there's only one friend of yours that's exactly like this...and it's me. I get to do it. I get to know you guys.

i'm so thankful for that.
If you live in the United States, have a very, very, very blessed Happy Thanksgiving. And even if you don't live in the United States... be aware. Be happy. Be thankful.

I love you all so, so, so much.

Enjoying the so-very-blessed holiday.

-naomi

Dear Claire

I don't know that I can type an intro that is worthy of the love behind my friend Claire. The way she loves her idol is magic, but the way she loves the world around her makes me want to be a better person every day.

To me Claire is defined by her heart, the way she loves her friends, her sense of humor, her wit, her brilliant advice, her passion, good twitter packs, being from Nebraska and exploring the world around her with an open mind.

I haven't written a letter to anyone individually in a long time, but as usual, I watch the recipient of the letter more closely than usual, sentimentally aware of how much they've grown since I met them. 

And I haven't known Claire for an insanely high amount of time, but I've known her long enough to know that she's one of those people that only come around ocassionally. She's one of those people that I just admire and look up to so much. She's one of the people who I can talk about and my mom will know who she is just because I mention her so often. Like "I'm gonna go talk to Claire or Rafa or Mia or someone" and she'll reply "Oh, good! Have fun with your sisters."

Sister, that she is. Someone you really want to be around.

Thanks, internet.

Anyhoo, today I'm going to celebrate Claire through this blog post, and it makes me happy.
You know what else makes me happy? My timeline, my DMs, flooding with friends whose names are said many times in her tweets, because she has a deep recognition and appreciation for them. She knows our names and where we're from and what our favorite colors are and who can't eat peanut butter and whose birthday is next.

So I think it's time to rein in the introduction and get to what the title entails.

With no further ado...

****

Dear Claire,

I want to be this friend. The kind of friend that knows how to instantaneously put a smile on someone's face just with simple words. The kind of friend who is selfless, kind, loyal, dedicated, beautiful inside and out. I want to be like you, because that is the kind of friend you are.

And even though I may not be able to do justice to that fact with words, and in the end all of this might just be letters on a page, I'm going to try.

You help me when I'm vulnerable, you give out random compliments like you have some kind of radar that senses when I need one, you remember little details, you really listen, and you really care.

And when I talk to you I just feel like laying on the floor and throwing glitter up into the air while singing the chorus to Sweeter Than Fiction. Or eating skittles and swimming around in hot chocolate, and I feel like half my age.

We started DMing again after days and our forces have finally reunited to bring more moments like this to a floor near you. And half of your age plus half of my age equals something around one whole of us, so the mature moments are bound to happen eventually. The truth of the matter is my back went out this weekend--like I bent down to get something at the exact moment something snapped in my back and I screeched and collapsed and just laid there in some chalk-drawing crime scene position in the kitchen, laughing hysterically because I seriously couldn't move and you had just said something really funny and lying under the stove while people walk around you, pouring coffee and washing dishes completely oblivious to the scene is really, really funny..

So the laying on the floor, singing STF thing serves a purpose really.

Anyways...

I love you. What a beautiful person you are. A cute, funny thing who seeps joy and life and spirit into your little Claire aura. The aura that happens to grow a bit more to me each day. And while all the beauty you hold inside unfolds more each time we talk, I am finding that much like my admiration of you, that beauty is infinite. You don't realize that you're perfect, because you have the ability to be humble, and maybe a little blind to all the wonderful things about you, but you are stunning and amazing. You really really are. Your heart and soul are so genuine.

One of my favorite things about you is your independance and this perfectly balanced brew of confidence and uncertainty.

And the fact that I am in a big old heap of emotions right now, and I'm trying to hold it together as we DM about our crushes, because writing about you, describing you, knowing you is heaven. I just want you to know that if you're ever even remotely not happy, you can talk to me. The pain of seeing you hurt or fail or be sad will crush me because you only deserve to be happy, especially because you have reaped invaluable happiness to so many others.

And all the years I've dreamed of having a friend who I really truly look up to and love, I never would have guessed that it would amount to this here.

You have taught me so many things already.

You've most importantly taught me that loving your character this much has meant living up to everything about you that I wish I was.

I love your sweetness and your attitudes and your style and your instagram pictures and your account and your jokes and your hair and your fangirling.

And I love...you. But you already knew that, right?

Love, Naomi

Halloween 2013

Candy wrappers litter the carpet like loose confetti, my dark-lined eyes have been clean since Thursday night, and the mess in the yard echoes the remains of a good time--orange luminaire bags toppled over spilling kitty litter, tipped bikes where we deserted them, a plastic ghost table cloth torn and flapping in the (gasp) November breeze.

It was a great time.

First, the pre trick or treating preparations...

Kate's mom painted runes on her arms. Kate was a shadowhunter this year.

I was a fairy. Not Tinkerbell, though that's what everyone assumed. Just a fairy.

Bobby was a ninja.

Our trick or treating bags looked like this... "Have your parents check your treats" "Always trick or treat with a friend" "Stay in well lighted areas". Very cheesy. And they all ripped later that night and had to be replaced with pillow cases and Forever 21 shopping bags. But relevant enough.

 

The preparing was anticipation building and excitement inducing.

But the real fun started when the sun went down.

Important note: Our costumes are exactly matched to each of our personalities.

The trick or treating itself was amazing. We got so much candy, and it was one of our best years yet. One old lady gave us each a nickel. Holla.

After we were done, we went to McDonald's because we were in desperate need of some sort of nutrition that did not include sugar.

When we got home, we sat on the floor of Kate's bedroom and sorted and traded candy. Because, as our motto of the night proudly stated, "It's Tradition".

We reaped the rewards.

And, a video. Please take notice of our very inspiring discussion of: Twizzlers vs. Red Vines.

The first of the end-of-year holidays is down. Next up is Thanksgiving. And it's NOVEMBER! (confetti, confetti, confetti)

I am in love with holidays. I dig the whole over-hype and sparkle of decorations and Target setting up a small city of Christmas aisles the day after Halloween. I buy into the great to-do of kitschy bathroom towels embroidered with snowmen and freaking pinecones, and once one holiday is over, I am settin' up the excitement shop for the next one around the bend.

I realize there may be flaws to this philosophy and that real life is the in-between and, oh my, what my thirst for stars on my calendar must mean to some people.

But you know what else I think? To Thine Own Self Be True.

I fly my holiday freak flag proudly and am finding more and more ways to unfurl its enthusiasm on the in-between too.

It is all one, sewing together the nothingness with the spectacular, the ordinary day with the holiday and letting them seep into each other until you recognize and appreciate the magic of both a quiet cup of tea on an uneventful Monday morning and the colorful chaos of laughter around a Thanksgiving table right before the gravy is passed.

And the more you appreciate them both, the more of a master of "all is one" you become, brilliantly ladling the fabulousness of holidays onto ordinary days with spontaneous driveway dance parties and pulling out the good dishes for afternoon macaroni & cheese or rocking out red lipstick and two coats of black mascara for a morning of homework or cleaning your room.

One holds a spotlight to the other. The frenzy of festivities reminds me how I love the calm repose of our home routine and, likewise, the repetition of our beautiful ordinary allows me to plan for the wonder of holiday excitement. It is a good cycle. It is a grand challenge, that merge.

Looking out at the yard with its party remains that call for a clean-up and hoping for a quick decrescendo for my sugar buzz, I am grateful both for a fun night and the fact that it won't happen again for another year. That's the beauty of holidays...absence makes the heart grow fonder.

In the meantime, there's red lipstick and good dishes and dressing up in glittery wings on the day after Halloween.

It's November, Friends. November. With more holidays around the corner and (patting my chest)...beautiful ordinary here right now.