"If we had keen vision and feeling for all ordinary human life it would be like hearing the grass grow and the squirrel's heart beat, and we should die of the roar which lies on the other side of silence."
I read this quote this morning, on our way to the beach--the end cap of an adventurous week. And I thought about it, especially after such a high-on-life week. Sometimes when things are good--really good--I seek to understand the presence of good just as much as if it were the opposite--to question unfortunate circumstances which is a natural response to heartache. Sometimes I've felt that positivity, blue skies and good fortune need a disclaimer. Like it's only deserved if it's been well balanced with hard times, a lot of effort or heartache in the past.
I'm not superstitious but, to be completely honest, in some of my most contented periods in life when I've been so presently aware of good, I've actually wondered...is heartache around the bend? Is this all some game where everyone says someday, "Well that makes sense. Things were just too damn good for that unicorn girl."
That is a ridiculous way of thinking.
Over the years, especially the last two, my confidence in the natural order of the universe and our own ability to alter our perspective has grown. Life doesn't dish out bad and good in equal amounts or according to what's "fair." Likewise, I don't have "bad" coming to me any more than I have "good" coming to me.
The answer to all of this lies, for me, in the simple truth of which this quote spoke. Regardless of how good or bad life presently is, I will tear reality apart into "vibrant morsels and reassemble them into a meaningful pattern." While I believe that good begets good, I also know it is inevitable that life will come with challenges, sad days, rain and heartache. Through all of it, I will listen to hear the grass grow or the squirrel's heart beat. I will focus on right now, today, and I will not disclaim fully feeling life's gifts.
Maybe loving life and embracing experiences in a tearing-apart-the-vibrant-morsels kind of way is a bit like the tree that falls in the forest that only creates a sound when someone is there to hear it. Is it only good if we're wildly pursuing opportunities to be sensually aware? To feel the heat of the sun and make note of its goodness, to listen to our loved ones' laughter and memorize its tone, even to acknowledge the depth of our pain and fully feel its sting? If so, all the more reason to find the best in everything. That's right.
I did this weekend. My skin is sun-kissed, we have a heap of memories, my camera snapped hundreds of pictures of things that made me come alive and, as God would say, "Behold, it was good."
I'll write more on this week soon. Happy Easter, friends.
He is risen :-)
