It's Christmas

It's still Christmas, we are saying--because I need to say that to stave off the blasted decrescendo of post-Christmas let-down.

When I was just beginning to fall in love with writing...back in the day when I ratted my bangs one, two, three times with my turquoise comb and spraaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyed every last dead end of 'em, slowly and evenly, with the tall, cold can of hair spray...back in the day when I'd click back and forth between red ink and blue ink on my four color pen...back in the day when my third grade teacher, Mrs. Clark, told us the world was our oyster and we were its pearl...I met my friends, the Adjectives, and fell hard and heavy for them. They had me at beautiful. They slayed me with delicious. They charmed me with alluring and exquisite and pulchritudinous (yeah, you heard me...pulchritudinous...look it up).

Over-adjective-izing will forever be my problem. Because I like beautiful and amazing and pulchritudinous, and when I'm feeling it? I want to shout them all...to echo from the mountaintop "I'm blithe." "I'm elated!" I'm intoxicated with exhultant joy and, oh for God's sake, I'm so over the top, I'm begging for someone to slap me in the face.

But, I'm going to try and go easy tonight. Because, really, I loved this week. I loved it. It was one of those nothing-special but because of that, so-very special Christmases, all in one. And yes, that sounds very unicorn-and-rainbowish, but I'm a little unicorn-and-rainbowish, so I guess that's okay. And just to confirm that thought, I got up to get a drink a minute ago, mid-post, and my head hit a set of windchimes hung from the door...and it made this little harmonious plllltttiinnnggg sound which kind of sounded like unicorns and rainbows, and well...there you have it. Okay, so now I'm laughing.

It was a beautiful time, you know. A happy one. Not so happy that it was out of touch. No, it was grounded with just a little bit of well, that's life. Because I felt a little sad yesterday, for no particular reason I could come up with. It did kind of have something to do with feeling inadequate and a very small amount of insecurity, when I returned to the past and anonymous critics. But that doesn't distinguish me from any other teenage girl on the planet right now. Happy? Yes. Celebrating all that 2013 has given me, from the people to the places to the experiences? Yes. But due for some closure where I can go to that place again some time with no purpose but for to say "Hey, I'm back" to those thoughts and feelings and make a moment of that something sacred happened there, and then finally, try to let it go...yes. But, that's life.

And with life comes breathing and feeling moments.

My favorite part of Christmas? When the morning spills over into complete calm. Everyone finds a different corner of the house, we test out new gifts, adults rest on couches, the mess on the living room floor dissolves into the setting and everything is quiet and happy and good. I collapsed on the couch late morning, not intending to sleep, but I fell into one of those half awake naps where my eyes were closed and my brain was off duty but I was very aware that I was smiling and listening to the chatter and Christmas songs and everything was as it should be.

For some reason, I was positive that some part of Christmas happiness and cheer and whatnot would make me cry, but alas (term coined from Claire. Thank you, Claire) it did not happen. We didn't even notice when night came. We were busy, happy, making cookies.

And my favorite part of Christmas came next. Mia and Rafa, my little Christmas angels whose presense makes me feel like I could do anything. They wrote me letters and made me feel so wonderful and happy.

And that one? Well, that one made me cry.

We're still in vacation mode. And feeling so thankful for family and home.

To scrapbooks being filled with much love.  Chin-Chin.

Thank You

Can I talk about Twitter? I want to talk about Twitter.

There is an ancient Native American story about an old Cherokee who told his grandson about the battle that goes on within us. "My son," he told him, "Inside every one of us dwells two wolves, one evil, one good. The evil one is angry and jealous, full of regret and arrogance, greed and sorrow, guilt and self-pity. The other is good. He is kind and loving, full of hope and peace, joy and compassion."

The young boy thought about it for a moment. "Which wolf wins?" he asked his grandfather.

The old Cherokee smiled and simply replied, "...the one you feed."

About a year ago, I sat down and decided I wanted a swiftie account, so I changed my account to accomodate that want. It wasn't a very planned decision much like my other spontaneous whims. In fact, I hadn't even really thought through what I'd title it, but when the server asked for a username, my first attempt at pecking out "likeanarmyguy" pulled up an available name, so I took it. Red was about two months old and my heart was swelling uncontainably with this grand appreciation for Taylor Swift and life and moments, and I needed to let the air out somewhere. That and the fact that it was mid-December, I was pretty high on Christmas, and tweeting about my enthusiasm to a fanbase known for its Christmas loving idol was a better choice than duct-taping the Christmas Fig candle to my face for a continuous sniff-fest. So, likeanarmyguy became this place. This place that has grown and stretched and changed its name and challenged both my creative being and my philosophical one.

I've been asked the standard Why do you have a twitter? question a handful of times now, and while my answer used to include all sorts of long-winded responses, it has now come down to a simple answer: I tweet because I enjoy it. I also enjoy clicking "Buy It Now" for a great pair of shoes on Ebay, but tweeting, unlike Buy It Now, gives back. It feeds my good wolf. And after a year, he's a big boy, that wolf. Strong and ferocious, confident and kicking.

We all have our different methods of feeding the good wolf. And when we find our wolf growing with any particular method, we make time amid our busy schedule to continue to feed it. Maybe you're motivated by running or grounded by baking. Perhaps you are inspired by painting or refueled by lunching with friends. Whatever the case, feeding the good wolf is essential for our ever hopeful quest for life fulfilled.

And then there's this bonus that comes with twitter. And here's where you come in. For all the skeptics out there who say the Internet has replaced the beauty of simpler times and is slowly ruining our ability for real social interaction, I beg to differ. Because without the Internet I wouldn't have all of these beautiful, amazing friends who enlighten me and share my passions and are so beautiful and who teach me to be a better person.

In particular, they are these people. (and this is not a particular order, so just search for yours. I'm going straight down my following list)

mochaswift

Grace. I love you, darling. You are funny and spirited, caring and loving and zesty and wonderful. Please never lose that, because it will take you so far in life. Thank you for teaching me to shine and be myself.

distancetimings

Brooke. We don't talk as often as I'd like, and I wish we would. To me you are defined by funny tweets, good twitter packs, and a beautiful heart. I wish we had a closer friendship. I love you so. Thank you for teaching me about being such a kind and lovely person.

classicswift

Serena. I have been so blessed to be able to talk to you these last few months, and you are so heavenly. I absolutely love you. Thank you for teaching me about all of the good and beauty people like you possess.

suckerforswift

Andie. I love your light -- it's one of my favorites. Your determination and knowledge is so admirable, and I love you for all of your little cute, funny tweets. Thank you for teaching me about your lovely light and for helping me to mold my own into something like yours.

inhalingswift

Sofi. Hey beautiful girl, I think you're fabulous. You are so wise and I think you're pretty great. That is all for now. Thank you for teaching me about being strong and insightful, just like you are.

exhaustedstyles

Pauline. You are an angel from above. I love that you live in California and that you always like my instagram pictures and that you are just you. I love that you. Thank you for teaching me to be more confident and fearless.

yearwithoutrain

Omar. You are filled with imagination and love and humor. You make me laugh daily and I am so thankful to have someone like you in my life. Thank you for teaching me about... well, imagination and love and humor. You are insanely perfect to me.

endearingtaylor

Montana. Oh, you are so lovely, and seeing you in pain kills me. I hope your beautiful, funny personality never ever gets crushed again. You are so flawless, just as you are. Thank you for teaching me that it's okay to not be okay.

hurricaneswift

Claire. I don't know where to begin with you. Our friendship is enriching and heart filling. You are uniquely wonderful, beautiful, talented and capable. Thank you for teaching so very much about life, that it would take me an entire post of its own to list everything I adore about you. I love you so.

nightsgotcold

Chesca. Oh my goodness. I can't begin to tell you how much I love you. I can't begin to tell you how wonderful you are, how spirited and lovely your very existence is. Thank you for teaching me about shining my light and being as beautiful as you are. (oh yes, and thanks for teaching me how to make a wrapping paper bow)

ughswifts

Carina. I love your imagination, your problem solving skills, your creativity. I love your funny and sarcastic comebacks to anything we jokingly insult you with. But mostly, I just love you. Thank you for teaching me about laughter and life.

hemmingswifts

Jess. Your heart is so sweet and tender towards others and I want to be as beautiful as you are. Be different, be unique and be proud of who you are, because you are such a heavenly person. Thank you for teaching me about all the magic you hold.

swiftwithsirens

Hudson. Have I told you lately how great you are? You are funny, caring, full of spirit and so all around admirable. I love you a lot. Thank you for teaching me about the way simple words can have a huge effect on someone, like, say, making them smile when all they want to do is cry. You've done that for me, so, thank you friend.

poeticswift

Selina. You are wonderful, you are perfect, and you are exactly who God made you to be. Never doubt that. I love you so, so, soo so very much. Thank you for teaching me about smiling daily -- because you make me smile daily.

CARASWIFTS

Russell, you send the best tweets. Seriously. You know exactly what to do and say to make people happy and you are so adorable I just want to hug you. Thank you for teaching me that your world, and my world and this world, should be a kingdom where happiness never dies.

oxfordswift

Sofia. You are smart, beautiful, capable and colorful. My world is constantly made better by you, and I love you very much. Remember that. Thank you for teaching me about kindness and beauty and love.

coloursinautumn

Taylor. Oh, I love you so much. Your presense in my life is so empowering, so inspiring, and so enriching. You are so beautiful, and I'm just waiting for you to realize that. Please always have confidence in this world that trys to steal it at every turn. Thank you for teaching me that beauty is not something that can be defined -- it's something that's inside of us. And baby, you are filled with it.

GenerousSwift

Chris. I don't think you'll ever understand how much you mean to me, and I miss talking to you. You are funny, amazing, and so deserving of happiness. I love you. Thank you for teaching me that not all guys are rude and disrespectful, some are actually really sweet and great like you.

soundofineedyou

Mary Paige. I love your compassion, your empathy, your generosity, and the way you love -- they are all traits that are so completely beautiful on you. I just love you so much. Thank you for teaching me about one of the ways beauty can be defined: in the form of a red-headed, horse riding, Swift loving, heaven of a girl from Nebraska.

itsruhbecca

Becca. I could never, ever be able to describe to you all that you mean to me. Not if the entire thing was its very own language. I love you so, so much you perfect work of art. Thank you for teaching me about all the good and love in this world.

wonderfultay

Dani. I love you so very much. You glitter my world with life and full on beauty. You are kind and real and you make me smile. I want you to realize your potential, your beauty, your worth. Thank you for teaching me about being confident and shining my light just as beautifully as you shine yours.

DIVERGENTSWIFT

Keryna. Darling, you are so beautiful, it is wonderous to watch. I'm taking this oppurtunity to cheer you on for everything you are -- just as I will always cheer you on. I love you. Thank you for teaching me about self worth, and self confidence.

breaksburnsends

Rafa. Oh, I've been waiting to get to your name. Any attempt at threading words to just how wonderful, how healing your existence is... it seems so small. But I love you. And have I told you today how happy your smile makes me? Thank you for teaching me to breathe and let go when people are cruel or nasty. That was such an important lesson. I love you I love you I love you.

thearmourfalls

Mia. You are the most confident, kind, caring person I know. You are a free thinker and have stood your ground through the toughest of times this year. I always tell you how much I love that about you. Thank you for teaching me about self-worth and self-confidence and self-reliance. I love you.

hisgoodbyenote

Mila. Thank you for being a friend in the most loving way possible. Thank you for your outlook on life. Thank you for making sure your friends feel well loved. Thank you for being so beautiful. Thank you for teaching me more about life than you'll ever know.

Christmas, Intensified

In acknowledgment of the fact that I "forgot" to blog for the 11 days before my last post, I'm going to try to cram an entire 11 days worth of Christmas cheer into one post.

Christmas is in six days. And, to clarify, for Christmas (some of it at least, because I have to go on Twitter. That's a given) we are expoloring the art of nothing. As in every time my tablet beeps, I click it off and ignore it. And, as much as this has always been my place to "feed the good wolf" and get away, the computer's not the place I want to be right now. There's Candyland and cookie dough and another Lifetime movie about a single mother who falls in love with a smoldering mountain man on Christmas Eve and lives happily ever after.

For the first time ever, we are "just us" on Christmas day. No grandmas or grandpas or other speck of extended gene pool. Just us, and we're rockin' it. (although, for the record Claire, if you happen to walk through our door on Christmas Eve to surprise us, I'd die a million deaths and be forever grateful...just sayin'.)

There's a lot I want to say. There's a whole lot of high-on-Christmas stuff flyin' around my brain these days, and I could gush disgustingly right now on just how much I love these days. But, you get it, right?

I've had this problem my whole life of visualizing what I want Christmas to look like. And it's always picturesque in this storybook kind of way almost to the point of ridiculousness. Like the burly father comes in from blustery winds bearing a heap of firewood, and children dressed in Christmas finest are huddled around a piano singing Silent Night in perfect harmony. Cue Mother busting through the kitchen door with rosy cheeks, a plastered smile and a golden turkey garnished with baked apples. And everyone lives happily ever after.

Okay, maybe we're not living in the late 1800's and maybe Laura Ingalls Wilder doesn't write my visions. But I have learned that real life is different from dream life, and I've managed to merge the two over the last three years. The moral of the story is this...If you want it, work hard to create it, but leave cushion for the unexpected and embrace everything outside of that "perfect" vision as good and meaningful parts of your story you would have never had the opportunity to know had you stuck to the script. Ad lib, go with it, swim with the current. In the end, what you will have created, albeit a Christmas memory or life's final script...it will be good.

We made Christmas cookies last night. Or let me clarify. We set out to make Christmas cookies, but one batch in, we fell victim to the charm of a movie and a fire and, forty minutes and a smoky kitchen later, we canned the cookie thing altogether.

But, you know, whatever.

And not to bring this to a choppy ending or anything, but I'm typing from my tablet and it's extremely annoying to do so. Point being, I'm going to Twitter. But you might want to visit this little space again tomorrow... I have a post lined up. A post that has been in the works for over 4 months. And it's really important to me because it's in the honor and dedication of a person who's really important to me. Guys... tomorrow is Mila's birthday. Enough said.