If half-consciously typing out "Kingdom Lights Shine"in the "name this blog" window a year and a half ago marks the wedding anniversary for me and Lights Shine (he's a handsome one I tell ya) then consider this past year and a half our marriage. And just like my mom and stepdad are not frolicking in a field of daisies talking about their love every moment of every day, Lights Shine and I don't constantly make out. Our relationship evolves just as any other relationship does--through good and bad. The bottom line is, I know I love shining lights and seeing others' lights shine--when we're together and jiving like we should, I'm my very best self. But a year and a half together also means we get in ruts and take each other for granted sometimes. And I'll be the first to tell you that while I wholeheartedly believe in sucking the marrow out of life and noticing beautiful things around me, it's easy to get swept up in Life. When I started this blog, it was easy--it rained lights every day. I was in the honeymoon phase of both teen-ages and my carefree summer days, and it was completely natural to be all, "Look at that sky! Look at this flower! Look at that piece of fuzz--isn't life beautiful?" Life is a bit more complicated now. With new scars, new experiences, more goals, more worries, new relationships and a few layers of naivety peeled off the 12-year-old girl who started this blog, "kingdom lights shine" evolves too. As does "theairwascold". And I'm glad it does. I always think it's funny when people say "your twitter has changed" as if that's a bad thing. I have a lot of goals in life, but I'm pretty damn sure "staying the same girl and never changing" isn't one of them.
I started a redesign project of this blog eight months ago. I checked out twitter accounts and blogs for inspiration, figured out some ideas and then told myself I'd get everything together that I needed and do it. And then I didn't. Because I've been paralyzed in thinking about what I want this space to be. As if I have to have everything figured out perfectly before I can start--as if it can never change after I hit publish.
One of my favorite moments in the movie Bridesmaids is this lady fight that breaks out between Helen and Annie, concealed behind fake smiles and forced politeness. Arguing over whether their friend Lillian has grown to like sports since childhood or not, they launch into a hilarious dispute of who knows her better.
Do people really change?
I think they do.
Yeah, but I mean like, still stay who they are pretty much.
I think we change all the time.
I think we stay the same, but grow, I guess, a little bit.
I think if you're growing, then you're changing.
And this escalates until they're ready to take it to fisticuffs.
But they're BOTH true.
Every experience you've ever been through, every person you've ever loved, every lesson you've ever learned, every trend you ever adopted, every book you've ever read, every life mantra you've ever quoted--it's all part of you. I don't look at change as swapping out but rather adding to--we are everything we've always been but more with each experience.
I'm rewriting the "About This Blog" tab today to begin shifting things over to a new site, and I'm excited about going into this with no expectation of perfection and with the opportunity to evolve with time. It's sort of a vow renewal for me and Lights Shine, and it comes at a perfect time. This past week, we recommitted to each other. More connection, more reading, more music, more quiet mornings, more holding hands, more beach, more reaching toward the things that make me better and distancing myself from the things that don't.
I think we change all the time.
I think we stay the same, but grow, I guess, a little bit.To everything we've always been...and more.
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